Reality Checks

I spent most of my life saying that I wanted to become a doctor. Exhausted from the endless admissions process, but proud and excited about my accomplishment, I soon found myself in medical school. Two years in, I began to notice that many of my fellow students seemed miserable. They were extremely bored, lacked motivation, and found no purpose in the process of becoming a doctor. Some of them even hated it. This was against my expectations, as someone who had clearly accepted his future in the medical world. Why would someone apply to come here if, in the end, they don’t enjoy what they are doing? (only a few other students shared the same experience as I did). Then came another realization. Why would someone apply to medical school if they don’t want to follow this career? Why endure the long hours, the endless studying, and the humbling experience of healthcare if they are not sure this is for them? I observed colleagues miss an entire month of university, and returning only to be reminded that they don’t like where they currently are. Others would come to class on three hours of sleep, while some would pay no attention to the lecture, and instead play cards or Sudoku.
Eventually, I started to wonder, am I the one who is wrong here? Am I too invested in this, such that any other approach to this matter does not satisfy me? Probably yes. But then again, probably not. Because then came my final realization: not everyone knows what they want to do in life. Even more importantly, it is normal not to be sure that what you are pursuing is actually what you want, or even what you will want in ten years’ time. Even I, who thought this was what I loved, came to realize that my dream is not actually to become a doctor (we will leave what my actual dream is for another time). Do I love studying and practicing medicine? Yes. But it is not my dream. What I want to say is that it is okay to change your mind. It is okay to experiment, and take risks. It is okay to be scared. It is okay to fail. What is not okay is to not try. Remember, identity is not something static. It is constructed over time, rather than discovered once and for all. People change. They make mistakes, they self-reflect, and they grow.