The life I never expected

18th birthday: Great
19th birthday: Amazing
20th birthday: The year I was diagnosed with my chronic illness.
Never in my life could I have imagined that a single diagnosis would change everything so drastically. The symptoms didn’t just affect my body, they basically changed my whole brain chemistry. Symptoms I truly wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Over the past few years, I’ve grown so much. This illness has changed me in ways I never expected. I no longer take pain-free moments for granted. Every day is hard, but whenever I have a day or even just a few hours without pain or symptoms, I thank God. Sometimes I get goosebumps because I can’t believe how lucky I am to experience those moments, to simply feel like myself again.
One of the hardest parts has been grieving the person I used to be. I miss how carefree I was, being able to go out without worrying that my symptoms would ruin the night, visiting places and being fully present without a single anxious thought, and not having to depend on lifelong medication just to function.
This illness has taken a lot from me, but it has also taught me to appreciate life in a way I never would have otherwise. I can’t describe it. It’s like a whole new life perspective. It has shown me the value of health, the beauty of ordinary moments, and the incredible strength I never knew I had.